manic mondays

You know, I was so happy earlier today. Not only did I have a great weekend, but I also handed in my last assignment for the semester.

Lega rasa!

It's the first time that I've ever made a portfolio that is so thick. 170 plus pages, people. Although my portfolio was not the thickest of the bunch but it still remains the thickest portfolio I've ever made. Our assignment was to make a Learning Portfolio where we would have to pick three samples of work from each unit that we have been doing this semester and to write our reflections on it. We had to pick our best, average, and most disappointing work and then comment on why we picked them and how did they help in our learning process or how it did not do anything for us. And we had to do that for all the units that we have been taking for this semester.

That's why it was so thick.

I'm kinda proud of what I have done for it.. cos I also put little tabs along the side of my portfolio just so that the lecturer or whoever would be thumbing through my portfolio would have an easier time looking for certain chapters. I thought it was cute.. Hehe. Ah. You know, I didn't even want to hand it in! Because soooooo sayang la! That portfolio is full of all the work and effort I've put into this frigging course over this semester.

Sigh. But have to lah, kan? Dahla my portfolio looked so professional and pretty. Ah, darn. And to think that I won't be seeing it ever again..

Legalah but now.. RIGHT NOW... I'm having a panic attack.

Any guesses why?

Yes,exams.are.in.a.weeks.time.bloody.fuck.fuck.fuck.
need.to.breathe.breathe.before.i.pass.out.from.lack.of.oxygen.fuck.

It rained earlier today. So as I was walking by myself, in the cafeteria, I slipped, and cried, "FUCK!" out loud.

Eheh. Malu la. At least I didn't fall. But a girl that was closeby looked me right in the eye and I just clapsed one of my hands across my pretty foul mouth and walked quickly away. Hahahahaaa.

great weekend

Definitely. And certainly one I needed. Hehe!

*on a buzz*

Love really is better than C₈H₁₀N₄O₂ (caffeine).

(Ignorantly) take it from someone who doesn't drink coffee. :P

raya post

Sadly, the only house I visited for raya this year was Mimin's. Eheh!

I got excuse! Dad was lazy to go visiting. Mom was in Singapore with my lil sis, Andy. And since I would usually go visiting together with my family... and they're all not around... the most I could bring myself to doing is walking over to the next street to visit my friend, Mimin. :P

Itupun I didn't eat as much as I would during the festive season. Was full the whole day through, till dinner. Suprisingly. I can't even remember what I had that morning. But it was all still good.

After I got home, I noticed that in one picture I took whilst I was at Mimin's house well... you'll see. Don't kill me.

Sadly, I was bored. Talentless and unfunny.

i still want want want

Oh gosh! She's got more! She's got more! *jumping around, clapping hands with glee*

And these two are more gorgeous than her previous ones.

I still want want want!! Eepps!

don't laugh please, smile and sigh instead

I was going through my old blog, Guilty Secrets, trying to figure out what it was that people liked about it. And I have no idea. All my posts were a mess. All I found out was that I had a lot more going on back then than I do now. Which just goes to show, how sad my life got. :P But I do know this, eventhough my I had more going on back then, I'm defnitely happier and more stable where I am now.

Last night Mark and I got into a fight that stemmed from a misunderstanding that happened 2 afternoons ago. Just so that you guys know that we're both human too. :P

All I know is that for the first time, I felt really hurt by him. I think it's the first time I yelled at him. I think it's the first time we both said hurtful things about each other.

It's the first time that he made me cry so very badly. I honestly felt like I lost him. That although we were still together, that he had broken up with me because I didn't feel like I could rely on him anymore. I felt like he's not the person I thought he was. That he doesn't care.. I still loved him though, at that moment. But in my mind, I tried to tell myself that it's alright if I behave like nothing mattered, like I don't have any feelings so that he can hurt me all he wants to.

That I don't need him to feel better. That I can feel better all by myself whenever I'm upset. That I didn't have to tell him anything anymore because he more than likely would not be able to understand or remember anyway. That even if I told him, he would ignore what I said so that he just wouldn't have to deal with it.

But we managed to eventually talk it out. It was very bittersweet..

He said that ever since I got mad at him and left him alone without a word, without any smses, without any emails, without any chats, without any calls.. that in that time he realised that he does love me and that he does care.

I was crying badly when he said that he thought of me and missed me.. and he said he remembered how we were together.. how I would hug him.. how he would give me piggybacks.. how I smiled.. then he told me he loves me.. then he said that he remembered how we would cuddle.. and all these little things.. and he told me that he loved me again.. then he said that while he was walking past a shop window.. he saw the masks that we both got.. and how the idea of leaving me angry till the weekend and then suprising me with presents crossed his mind.. but how he decided against it because I might break up with him and leave him sad and lonely with presents to give to no one.

I need to remember that moment.. it's rare to see or hear my boyfriend behaving that way..

Yeah.. I don't ever want to lose that memory. =)

I thought I didn't need to be coddled... talk about me dreaming. Pfft. :P

just a thought

I'm wondering if I should be honest here or would it be better if I just sugarcoated my life.

how it basically evolved

This is the position I usually take when I'm lying in the back seat of my aunt's car with Mark after church. Teehee.

Anyways, anyone noticed anything new about my blog? Or did everyone just come in and go, "Hey, wait! This isn't what Cupcakes and Muffins is supposed to look like.." and then prompty exits my blog without telling me how nice/horrid it now looks.

Doesn't matter anyway. I mostly do these things for me. It took a couple of days to get everything together, to create the graphics, yes, simple but it took awhile to come up with them because I wasn't satisfied with the maybe 100,000 other samples that ended up only in the bin.

And then there was the coding. Had to sort of relearn how to code again because I haven't really been HTML in ages. If you're gonna ask me how I did it.. or how I learnt it.. it's completely by trail and error!

I remember starting out back in Secondary school with FrontPage. Thought it was fun and then I set up my own little website on Angelfire and Geocities as well as a various other webhosting service sites which I have now forgotten. Eventually blogs were invented. Which made posting my writings easier and much more simple. I signed up with Blogger first and then signed up with Xanga as well just to see which would be better for me. You can guess which one I chose to use since I'm still with it after all these years.

Learnt how to edit templates in blogger by refering to FrontPage, surfing sites that gave tips on HTML and viewed the source codes of other blogs as well as normal websites. Does that sound like stealing to you? :P Well, that only happened when I needed to know how that person did something or I really liked what they had on their sites.

Then enters in Photoshop. And this is what you get. Which isn't much considering how unprofessional it still is.

But whatever, you know? I like it.

I hope you all like it too.