hell has reopened

Classes start tomorrow. I have yet to actually look at my timetable. Bleh. To be honest, I'm really not looking forward to going back to Curtin. My despise for the place has really grown. Sigh. I wish Mark was still studying there. I only met him in his last semester of his course.

Not fun! I wish we could've met earlier. You know how some people meet in uni and dated. Mark and I only got to know one another like, maybe two months before he graduated.

:(

I don't want to go to school!! Like, I really really don't want. Like, I can throw a tantrum and cling on to my mommy's leg so she's forced to bring me home kinda don't want. I can cry too. I'm such a baby.

:(

But I really don't want to go back to school.

I want Mark. I want my Marky. I want my baby boo panty cupcake honey sweetie gas pepsi drink. :-/ Hahahahaha! Sorry, cupcake. Muacks. I want Mark to still be studying. At least you know.. got something to keep me going. Otherwise, I would feel so depressed all the time. I love him so much for being an anchor in my life. He's saved me from depression before. He was what I needed after being so hung over nothing for too long.

I hate the fact that I have to stay back and once again watch everyone move forward without me. What am I doing in engineering... Sigh. I DO want to be able to graduate and be an engineer but maybe even if I DO have the WANT to be an engineer.. maybe some people are just not cut out for somethings.

It's hard to still be optimistic and to keep my hopes up for much anymore.

I wish I could fall and have people catch me. But I know I cannot rely or expect that to happen. Life is like that. No one likes a failure and no one will be there to help you up everytime you fall. People do get tired of always having to help.

I wish I could be the good girl. Growing up rich and pretty. Knows what she wants in life. Breezes through uni like it's nothing. Being a good child. Getting a good job. Falling in love with her husband. Having a family. Great kids who are responsible and loves their parents. Basically, breezing through life and always being happy.

I'M SO DEMANDING AND I DON'T EVEN DESERVE WHAT I WANT. I know.

I miss you already and it's only been 2 hours since I last saw you.