the truth is

I just finished watching Just Like Heaven. Streaming online too!

Fantastic stuff. I barely have to wait for the videos to load to watch them. Which must mean that the loading time should be super fast for you other people out there. My router is a bit messed. *shrugs* So my internet speed is running slower than it should be.

Anyways, I felt really sad watching the movie. Cos it got me wondering.. what if I was in a coma.. how would people react to it? Would they feel sad? Would they still have hope that I will one day wake up? Or will they pull the plug on me? Yeah, rather morbid stuff.

Then I thought instead.. What if Mark got into a coma? And for a very long time. I thought about it.. and I figured I will be very sad, heartbroken, and scared. I know those are the obvious reactions to the situation where a loved one gets into a coma, but.. lately it's been hard to tell if I love him.

I know.. scary. And for awhile, I was scared. Just last weekend, I admitted to him that I haven't felt for him the way I should being his girlfriend. I don't know whether I should've said it out loud, and especially to him.. but who else can you be truly honest to, if it's not your loved ones.

But thinking about him being in a coma... and knowing that I would be so broken by it.. I'm sure that I love him. He is a bit hard to love though. He's not like the normal guy.. who would give up everything for his girlfriend. He's not the kinda guy that knows how to be romantic. He's not one to buy flowers for no reason except to see her smile. He's not one to shout it from the rooftops that he's crazy for her.

And as for me, I'm so... I would love for my boyfriend to be fun, adventurous, taking risks, and to not be ashamed of me and for what we have. Hopeless romantic. Yeah, I told you so.

It's been awhile that I've written anything like this. But I can make an exception. It's midnight.. so when else is it more appropriate for someone to get all emo?

Two weeks ago.. we almost broke up. Heh. Felt something there just having to admit that it happened. But yeah.. it did. We were both going through shits.. we weren't at our best. He decided that we should probably go on a "break". An all too familiar road..

I broke. I mean.. I really broke. I cried, I sobbed. I did not care who heard me. I was so scared. I hated what happened during my last two so-called "breaks" with previous ex-boyfriends. They were cowards who didn't know how else to break up with me. So they said we'll just have a "break" from one another. But after awhile, I would find out that they've been seeing someone else behind my back or that they've already moved on.

I didn't want that to happen again.. I couldn't believe it was happening again.. I took it badly. I took it like I had no shame. I took it not as a "break" but as a "breakup". Mark understood why I was overreacting.. but he stood by me the whole time.. I have no idea how long I cried.. and I have no words to describe how broken my heart felt that night.

We did not go on a break that night nor did we break up. He held me for hours that night. I know he's not like the others.

He may not be easy to love at times. But I do love him.