been going to brunei three weeks in a row

I'm cleaning up my room now - yay!

Queen of procrastinating!! SIGH!

I got the hiccups four bloody times today! Maybe something's wrong with me. It was all really funny though. I got it first in church. So totally embarrassing!! My hiccups are always embarrassingly loud, for one. When I started having them, people kept turning around to see what was making that awful noise! Hahahaha. ME!! Then I was still having it when I went up to receive holy communion. Hahahahahaha!! Bodoh!! Then in the middle of saying prayers.. very loudly, I will go HIC!! making my cousins all laugh. Then in the middle of giggling I will HICCUP!! and there we go all over again. Vicious cycle!

My cousin said, "Cis. People so concentrated on praying already and then suddenly cannot think! It's like.. ring ring... ring ring... ring ring... I'm sorry. Your call has been disconnected. Please try again later. No time even for the other person to pick up!"

Second time during breakfast. Eeeps. Thank goodness Yakin is a very noisy place! Third time when I was in the car on the way to Supa Save (Yes, I went to Brunei, again.) and the boys laughed at me. Evil beings they certainly are! And the fourth was just not too long ago. My dad says if I get the hiccups a lot, it might mean that there's something wrong with my diaphragm. He says I should go see a doctor. Grr.

Anyways, the reason why I went up to Brunei today was because Iqbal invited me for lunch at Escapade, tempting me with tales about the 100 dollar sushi boat filled with every single sushi that they served at that restaurant.

Went up with.. Iqbal, Mark, Alywin, Roger, John, and Kelvin. Didn't hear a peep out of Kelvin at all. First time meeting him and all. Maybe he didn't know anyone else there at all? First, pictures of people that were there! Except for one guy - Roger. Didn't have any good pictures of him.

Iqbal (the one who invited me) dunno talking about what. So I made it up.


I think they might've been trying to take some picture. Guy in green is Kelvin and guy in grey is John. Hehehehe. No need to see their faces la.. cos I dunno them very well so don't want to post their pics up.


Left is Alywin. Right is again, Iqbal. So funny I accidentally caught them making the same kind of face when I snapped them.


The lovey dovey couple, Mark and Kim. Yuck.


We ordered the party set. Sushi and sashimi - 50 dollars.


The aftermath! You can always count on boys to finish. Hehe.


Mark acting all happy now that his belly is full.


After I was done eating. But I admit I didn't eat much. Cos I had quite a number of dim sum from breakfast. Not done digesting! But I did enjoy the food.


I wonder who this was.

After Escapade, we dropped by Seria Plaza to tapau some Jollibee for some friends back home. Then went window shopping for a videocam, shoes, and sunglasses. Then went to have some ice-cream at Dairy Queen. I can't believe those boys managed to finish a Regular sized blizzard!

Then we went to Super Save - I bought lamb cutlets, steak, and mushrooms. Haha. Doing my mother's bidding. Then Mark and I had kebabs. Non-stop eating, ok! I can't resist good food!!

On the drive back. From my point of view.


Teruk. I was playing around trying to take a picture of me with him sleeping - turns out he was pretending!


The hot afternoon sun - 5.13pm

And lastly! An excerpt from a chat I was having with my cousin. After showing him pictures of food from lunch!! Muahahaha..

PS. I ended up blogging instead of cleaning my room. Sigh.

why in the world are there only the terms boyfriends and girlfriends and nothing else

"Soon I shall no longer be your boyfriend. I will be your... manfriend!!" said Mark referring to the hairs growing on his arms, "and then later.. I will be your oldmanfriend!"

"But there's no such thing as a manfriend, or an oldmanfriend, or a womanfriend.." I said in return.

"Oh but why?" asked Mark.

"Well.. because...." I started before I got cut off.

"You blog about it! Then I'll read it and get back to you", said Mark hurriedly.

"................................. WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY THAT YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO MAKE CONVERSATION WITH ME ANYMORE, IS IT?!!"

But anyway.





Why in the world are there only the terms boyfriends and girlfriends and nothing else.
thoroughly and exhaustively researched by Kimberley.


A serious question was posed to me last night. Why, regardless of age, are the terms boyfriends and girlfriends used. This is a good question indeed. Why. Why aren't there instead terms such as manfriends, womanfriends, oldmanfriends, oldnagfriends, and such.

The answer is this: When these couples are around each other, they are magically reverted back to their teenage days where they might tend to ignore all others in the room, abuse petname calling, act on unthoughtful acts of PDA, and generally being too overly lovey dovey with one another.

Therefore, there can be no such thing as a manfriend, etc. as the term manfriend suggests that the individual to be mature about his relationship. Whenever a man turns out to be more mature about his relationship with his partner, he is no longer at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. At that stage, he is called a husband.

But even at the husband/wife stage, they can still revert back to their teens/lovey dovey days by going out behind their partner's backs and getting a boyfriend/girlfriend - as long as they're not married to that person they will forever be lovey dovey in that relationship.

It all stops once they're married. Therefore, proven.

(200 words)

because today is special

something he'll never do sober

Mark just called me up sounding drunk.

He told me I was very pretty.

Sang to me.

And talked in an Irish accent.

Hehe. So silly. I'm sorry. I love you, baby.

riding a human gyroscope

UPDATED!

Last Saturday, I went up to Brunei to visit Mark since he wasn't going to come back down that weekend. He wasn't able to come down because he was busy moving. So I helped him out with moving a bit. Only a bit because most of the stuff were done already. Oh, and that day was a really hot day too! So we were lucky to be able to get away from all the moving chaos early.

Mark had promised me before that if I ever came down to Brunei, he would bring me to OGDC which is the Oil and Gas Discovery Center in Brunei. All because after coming out of the Singapore's Science Center, he claimed that the OGDC in Brunei was way better than the Science Center in Singapore. Which I had no problem believing because [explanation here].

Anyway! While I was there, I got to feed the fishes which was hilarious cos they were all fighting over the food we threw into the water. I have a feeling that they have been starving for days because it's the puasa season so not a lot of people have been visiting the OGDC - so the fishes have also been fasting. Hahaha!

What girl can resist mirrors?

I also got to ride the human gyroscope which they have at the OGDC. Sweet. I wish the ride had been more intense though. I have a feeling that the guys who were operating the gyroscope went easy on me. Cos I saw several videos on YouTube where the riders seemed to get a more intense ride. So unfair!!!! Well, check this out and forgive the Medusa hairstyle the gyroscope gave me:

That was fun, nonetheless. Although I probably shouldn't have gone on the ride. Hahaha!! Cos I read the warnings which usually has the normal warnings such as the ride is a no go for pregnant ladies, those with heart problems, etc etc, and one of them was also for those who have ear problems - which of course, struck at chord with me. The sign also said, "if in doubt, don't do it."

But I'm so silly and kiasu that I wanted to go on the ride anyway. Hahaha! And nothing totally bad happened so oh yeah! *pumps fist in air* They also had an earthquake stimulator which is this tiny house with four buttons inside. Small, medium, large, and stop. You get to go inside the house, select which size earthquake you would like, and the house will start shaking. It was interesting. But not so fun after the gyroscope.

I forgot I had taken a video of the earthquake stimulator. Hehehe. It's going to be an unedited 20 second video though. I'm sure you're curious enough to forgive me for that.

There was also a tornado stimulator, which was this glass enclosure which you were allowed to enter and at a flip of the switch, a tornado would form around you and you are also invited to stand in the middle of the tornado if you like. It was too bad that it didn't work. Greg and I were standing for minutes in that glass casing looking like right fools waiting for something to happen. Hehehe.

Check your Brunei TV channels to be sure.

They were supposed to have closed by 3pm but they let us play around for an extra 15 minutes because we came so late. Hahaha! We didn't know that they would close early because it's the puasa season. Otherwise, they would close only at 5pm. So outside, we fed the fishes again and then we spotted something in their park:

Wondering why my Queen was black.

No, I didn't play. It was way too hot out to stay very long. You know what's so hilarious? They actually cut off the crosses that you will find on top of the Kings! Sheesh.

You know, I rarely update on the weekends. So you guys are so lucky, eh?? So what if it's because Mark didn't come back this weekend either. Blah blah bloody blah.

so called jet setter

Mark asked me like, 2 days ago whether I want to go to Penang over the Raya holidays. MMMM! I've never been to Penang before. I thought cool, I would love to go explore and see what's so great about the food there. LOL! No one ever talks about anything else but the food when Penang is mentioned.

However, now they're changing their plans and going over to KK instead cos all the hotels in Penang and Langkawi are booked full. Aww. But regardless, I would love to go as well! Maybe this time, explore the islands properly and go parasailing!! Was supposed to go last time I was there but some *ahem* people *ahem*. You get my drift. Plus, tickets over aren't so expensive. RM180 with return. Via MAS. Hehehehe. I checked AirAsia and it's more expensive to fly via AirAsia at this point, okay.

Fingers crossed that my parents would let me go. Then can stay at hotel too! They're planning to stay at Sutera Habour! It's been ages since I've stayed at a hotel. I don't want to count in the hotel that I stayed at in Singapore cos it kinda sucked. I would've called it an inn, not a hotel.

Hum dee dum. Oh, and I would like to play tour guide and bring them around KK. Hahaha! It feels like I can do that now after my last trip to KK. *blush* Now I'm just reminded how I only blogged about one day in KK. Aww. Shucks. Maybe I'll attempt a little compressed post about my trip. Later. Hmm.. reminds me about the Singapore trip too. And I haven't even gotten to the best parts of either one of those trips too.

xxxxxx

I'm also praying to God that my ears will be able to survive the flights.. Sigh. I don't want to go deaf. Hmm.. yeah, I didn't mention that while I was in Singapore I caught a pretty bad case of the flu. My ears got blocked from me blowing my nose. That's never happened when I've caught the flu before. Anyway, the morning I was supposed to fly back to Miri, my aunt was saying something to me which I couldn't catch. So I said, "What? Can you say that again? I can't hear properly cos my ears are blocked."

To which she replied, "Oh. Then your ears are going to hurt a lot of the plane later. You better be careful and take care not to turn deaf!" That was scary to hear okay. I was worried but once I got to the airport, I forgot about it cos all I thought about was me getting home again. Yes, it hurt badly, especially on the descent. And we had to descend twice because we transited in Kuching. Singapore - Kuching - Miri. Kuching - Miri was the worst though. I felt like blowing my brains out with a shotgun by that time.

I can practically feel the veins in my head expanding and threatening to explode. Imagine that! I swore I believed very much at that moment that I was going to die. It hurt THAT much. I was close to tears on the plane and I couldn't even keep still from all the pain. I was rocking myself back and forth trying to relieve the pain but it didn't go away. I looked like a right nut then. But I survived otherwise I can't be here today. I think that's the way to survive life threatening situations. Embarrass yourself.

Anyways, was in a bad mood after that. And had an awful headache that lasted days. Searing pain that attacked the left back side of my head. Then I also started having toothaches. Went to see a doctor. He said I was lucky. I will explain it to you the same way he explained it to me.

This is what a normal ear looks like.

This is what's wrong with my ears.

It's kinda gross to think of it that way, isn't it? But yes, apparently that tube is all stuffed up with mucus that it's practically pressing up against my ear drums causing it to curve outwards instead of it naturally curving inwards. According to my doctor, I'm very lucky that my ear drums did not burst during the flight from all the pressure. When he mentioned that I could've lost my hearing and especially when he said the word, deaf, it took a lot in me not to cry although the tears very much threatened to roll out of my eyes and onto my cheeks.

The idea that I could've been deaf. Maybe not completely, but enough to take away my joy in music. Audiophile.. Heh.

Went to see a dentist (just in case. I already suspected it had something to do with my flu) about my toothache. He asked if I had the flu recently to which I answered yes. He explained that it's cos of sinus and that it could induce pain in your jaws making it seem like a toothache. No, I didn't have to pay to see my dentist. Free consultation what. I think Malaysia's trying to encourage it's citizens to go see a dentist. See this poster that I saw outside where I was stuck waiting for my dentist and his assistants to come back from lunch hour. Hehe.

Dental poster. Click to enlarge.

I sound fine about it now cos that was a few weeks ago and I had time to calm down. But I was advised by my doctor to make an appointment with an ENT doctor. Which I have this coming Sunday. I seriously doubt that he would say that it's okay for me to fly anytime soon. Cos my other doctor said that for me to recover and get better would take a few months. Up to 6 months even. And I don't want to risk losing my hearing, do I? Sigh.

kimmy's birthday

... was over a month ago! Oh well. Kimmy is the girl who owns this particular blog, by the way. Oh. And she has finally turned 21! But the poor girl is still such a kid. She doesn't know how to wear makeup (poor thing) nor how to walk in heels (tsk tsk). But ah.. she's such a sweet kid who loves to make people laugh. She called her boyfriend earlier tonight and she managed to make him laugh for a whole hour. She felt really lovable and good about making someone happier.

But that's not what this post is supposed to be about! It's about Kim finally turning the much over hyped number 21! How she finally turned 21 may not be how she dreamt it up to be but it was nonetheless not any less special than what she managed to dream up for herself. I lied. If things had gone the way she dreamt it up to be, her own wedding would've been a book club meeting in comparison.


How she dreamt it up to be in her own mind:
She flies all her friends out to some spectacular hotel or resort where they will stay a total of 3 days, 2 nights, having fun. On one of the nights will be her super mega huge birthday bash. Fantastic foods such as chicken wings will be served (lol). She obviously wasn't thinking too much about food. Also great drinks will be served.. to get people drunk. Muahahaha. Then the highlights of the night would be performances from Panic! At the Disco, The Academy Is, and Anberlin. And they are all there only for her!! And everyone will have a blast and dance and party the night away. Hehe.

She's so cute when she dreams, no? Also, she wanted to have her party guests wearing only white so that she'd stand out in the crowd by wearing a different colour. Although she isn't so much an extrovert, since it was to be a special day/night, she doesn't mind being the center of attention. I think she might actually secretly be an extrovert. I don't know!

How things actually went:
Was by no means any less special! For one, she felt like her birthday lasted an entire week! Because everyday since she got back from Kota Kinabalu, there have been occurrences which in one way or another had something to do with her birthday!



Friday, 29th June 2007

It was Kim and her friends' last night in KK. Earlier that day, they had a blast island hopping. They were tired, but they still managed to go out again that night as they have done every night since being in KK. Tonight they headed out to Thai Cafe to meet up with the guys who have by then become what you could call good friends because of the bond that occurred from spending almost every single day and night for the past week with them.

Kim, the poor innocent girl, was not expecting anything to happen other than to hang out one last time with everyone before having to head back to Miri the next day. There she was innocently sitting at the tables, drinking her third glass of beer, when she felt a presence sneaking up from behind her.

She turned around and saw her friend, Hazman, hovering behind her holding something in his hands. She was so blur that it took awhile for her to even figure out that it was a birthday cake. What with it having candles on it and all. Then she wondered whose birthday was it they were celebrating. Oh, the poor thing, I tell you! Then he finally set the cake down in front of her and it was then that it hit her like a truck hitting a baby kitten.

She hopes that she didn't look like she was acting, she wasn't. But she had her mouth covered with her hands from the shock. Haha. Of course, there was the singing of the birthday song, the wishing, the blowing of the cake, and the cutting. Then the distributing and the devouring.

Unfortunately, she did not take much pictures that night. No idea why. No one else did either. I think everyone just forgot.


Saturday, 30th June 2007
The little gathering they had the previous day carried on till 3am on this day (does it still count?) and at the end of it, she ended up quite tipsy or drunk. But even if she was, she couldn't tell. She remembers always ending up on her back when she tries to sit though. Which was hilarious and kept making her laugh. I think she was talking a bit more too although she denies that it was the alcohol talking.

There were reports later that morning that she was talking to herself while packing her luggage that night but she was only reading off her checklist to see if she had anything left out! She talks to herself all the time anyway so it shouldn't be anything special or new.

Also, as Kim and her friends were all at the airport, about to go into the departure lounge, she got more hugs and birthday wishes from the guys. Aww. Feel the love! And when they had finally landed in Miri airport, he boyfriend was there to surprise her and to welcome her home. Awww... He had driven all the way to the airport just to greet her! So feeling the love!!


Sunday, 31st June 2007
Mark, her sweet bumbling boyfriend, surprised our main character with a birthday present. She's so easily surprised, isn't she. She also opened her present on this day despite saying that she would wait for her real birth date to roll on by.


Monday, 1st July 2007
The gang that Kim traveled to KK with came over that night. Initially only to trade pictures. Then it started getting late so everyone decided to stay back and wait to midnight. Countdown to my birthday! =)

Tuesday, 2nd July 2007

Kim's actual birthday! Her family decided to use her as an excuse to travel up to Brunei. Or maybe they actually thought that she would enjoy a trip up to Brunei. These are the boys sitting in the back. They're lousy with staying up during road trips.

Kim's family drove all the way up to bandar. Dropped by the mall. Went to Dome for brunch! Kim couldn't decide what to order for herself and was torn between ordering this breakfast set which has bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast... or ordering spaghetti carbonara. Haha.

But they said that since it was her birthday that she could order both. While waiting for her food to arrive, Kim played around with the camera and took this shot. What you can't see is that their waiter was standing right next to her when this shot was taken.

After brunch, they went into The Mall to shop. There was an IT expo going on so Kimmy bought herself an FM Modulator so she could listen to her mp3s in her car. She would've much rather have gotten a new sound system though. Who wouldn't?

But the purchase of the day had to go to Kim's sister who bought herself a pastel blue Nintendo DS. Funny since it wasn't even her birthday. Oh well, Kim.. better luck next time. At least you also bought a pair of slippers Charles and Keith, right? Not only one purchase but two.

Later that night, Kim and her family went down to Esplanade for some Japanese. Too bad for Kim, she ate too much at Dome earlier that morning that by night time, she was still too full to have enjoyed pigging out on cheap (compared to Miri's prices) Japanese food. Mark, Kim's boyfriend, joined them for dinner. I would like to believe that she was happy to have seen him that night.

Maybe not so.

Earlier, Kim's brother bought her a little white teddy bear in a supermarket that came with a little black marker for everyone to write their birthday wishes on for her. Aww. Everyone that was there wrote her a little message for her to remember. Someone drew a mustache. She is yet to figure out who.

Wednesday, 3rd July 2007
Kim had a last minute birthday party where everything just happened to happen. Everything was last minute, the cake, the preparation, the food, the invites, everything. Her aunt curled her hair with some curling tongs. She was apprehensive about it, of course, never having had curly hair before but since it's some sort of "special" day, as her aunts put it, she decided to give it a go.

Our heroine wasn't very fond of the outcome though. Maybe she just needed time to get used to her new hairstyle. Oh well.

Oh and guess what? Our girl was lucky enough to have her boyfriend make a trip back down to Miri as well just to celebrate her birthday again. Aww. Lucky girl.

Then there were others who managed to make it as last minute as it all was and brought gifts too. Kim told me to mention that she says thanks to everyone. She really wasn't expecting to be given any gifts. In fact, she's forgot that day that people gave presents on birthdays. Lousy girl.

She also got the prettiest birthday cake she's ever gotten. Even as a child she never got such a pretty cake and now only at 21, does she get one such as this. It's really funny if you think about it. Unfortunately, it was a normal cake that concentrated more on looking pretty than tasting great but that did not deter people from finishing it until there was only a quarter of it left. Thank goodness too because she was afraid that most of it would've gone to waste considering its size too.

Unfortunately that night didn't go without its misfortunes. There was a terrible so-called accident which caused cake to end up on other people. Here are some of the unfortunate but luckily still alive and breathing casualties.

And you thought our birthday girl was safe? Not with the kind of friends that she has, she is never safe.

hell has reopened

Classes start tomorrow. I have yet to actually look at my timetable. Bleh. To be honest, I'm really not looking forward to going back to Curtin. My despise for the place has really grown. Sigh. I wish Mark was still studying there. I only met him in his last semester of his course.

Not fun! I wish we could've met earlier. You know how some people meet in uni and dated. Mark and I only got to know one another like, maybe two months before he graduated.

:(

I don't want to go to school!! Like, I really really don't want. Like, I can throw a tantrum and cling on to my mommy's leg so she's forced to bring me home kinda don't want. I can cry too. I'm such a baby.

:(

But I really don't want to go back to school.

I want Mark. I want my Marky. I want my baby boo panty cupcake honey sweetie gas pepsi drink. :-/ Hahahahaha! Sorry, cupcake. Muacks. I want Mark to still be studying. At least you know.. got something to keep me going. Otherwise, I would feel so depressed all the time. I love him so much for being an anchor in my life. He's saved me from depression before. He was what I needed after being so hung over nothing for too long.

I hate the fact that I have to stay back and once again watch everyone move forward without me. What am I doing in engineering... Sigh. I DO want to be able to graduate and be an engineer but maybe even if I DO have the WANT to be an engineer.. maybe some people are just not cut out for somethings.

It's hard to still be optimistic and to keep my hopes up for much anymore.

I wish I could fall and have people catch me. But I know I cannot rely or expect that to happen. Life is like that. No one likes a failure and no one will be there to help you up everytime you fall. People do get tired of always having to help.

I wish I could be the good girl. Growing up rich and pretty. Knows what she wants in life. Breezes through uni like it's nothing. Being a good child. Getting a good job. Falling in love with her husband. Having a family. Great kids who are responsible and loves their parents. Basically, breezing through life and always being happy.

I'M SO DEMANDING AND I DON'T EVEN DESERVE WHAT I WANT. I know.

I miss you already and it's only been 2 hours since I last saw you.

it always starts out that way and ends that way too

It's the all too common I feel like blogging but I have no idea what to blog about feeling. But as usual, even with this kinda feeling, the entry is sure to be a long one. Hence, the title of entry.

I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days. That's cos I've been sleeping in my parents room to accompany my little sister since my parents have been away for the past 4 days. Leaving me to be responsible for the house and all. And their bedroom is so hot. I don't understand how they manage to sleep at night with the air-conditioner that seemingly does not work.

So yeah, I've been lacking sleep. Waking up early too cos I have to send the little sis to school and I'm not one to go back to bed after I've woken up. Tonight I'm back in my own room cos the rents are back. But tonight I don't feel like sleeping.

Am feeling emo.

It's really funny. I can't seem to be able to articulate my feelings as well as I think I used to be able to. I've gotten all too used to sugarcoating my life for this blog. Yeah, I SUGARCOAT. And if I do feel like blogging something personal. I have another blog to do that on. It's private and for me only. Such a pity too, I sometimes think. Cos there's raw emotions on that blog. And all that glittery dramarama.

Bah. This blog is really boring to me.

I have this soft toy doggie that is currently lying next to me on my bed that has been with me for years now. It was a gift. From someone who had wanted me to be his girlfriend for what felt like eons ago. Unfortunately, I had to turn him down. I had fallen for someone else back then. Of course I felt bad about doing what I did. But I kept this dog that he gave me. And I liked smelling it. For some reason the dog had this wonderful scent. I do wonder if it was cos he sprayed some perfume or cologne on it before he gave it to me. From time to time, I liked to hold it up to me and smell it. Now I'm rather sad. Cos it has finally lost that smell. After 4 years.

We're still good friends. I was thinking back to that time where I was in my friend's living room. There was just the two of us there. He was going through some rough times. And we were just there on the couch talking about everything and nothing. He was lying on the couch with his head in my lap. Not to worry. We're just good friends that way. And it was nice that he trusted me enough to talk to me about what he's going through.

And then I wonder why Mark doesn't do that to me. Come to me and talk. He says that he just doesn't want me to be unhappy for him.. and that I'm not there to help carry his burdens. He doesn't get that I want to carry his burdens. I want to be there for him to talk to. I want to listen to what he says.. I guess that's why I remember everything that we ever talked about. And I want to feel sad for him. And to carry him when he needs to be carried. Although I might not be so strong to do that.. I do hope that I do leviate whatever problems he has slightly, at the very least. Me being the hopeless romantic that I am.

Hmmm.. my iTunes have been dishing out very mellow, quite depressing songs. Damn. Apple is quite impressive, eh? They even manage to program iTunes to churn out songs to match the mood of the user. Haha. Either that, or I have too many of these kinda songs. Hmmm.

I don't know where my relationship with Mark is going to bring me. I feel like we're at an ends. But on some days, I feel like there's hope. Few weeks ago, I lost those "feelings". That was even before I left for KK.

*goes off to read private blog about how she felt during those dark times*

Sigh. I wrote about how I figured he would take the easy way out and try break up with me. Know what? That happened. I was so heartbroken to know that I was right. When he was trying to break up with me, I broke. I cried. I haven't done that in ages ever since I felt like I lost my feelings for him. And the fact that I cried showed that I cared.

Things got better after that.. I got my feelings for him back again. For a long time, I was worried because I didn't know whether it would come back or not. But it did. Especially after one night, we went out, and he heh.. *blush* .. he looked so handsome that I fell for him again.

The problem between us had not been that we don't love each other. We loved one another, of course. We were simply not in love. Sigh. So.. I'm in love with him again.. but I don't think he's been in love with me and hasn't been in a very long time.

I guess that's why he was never like any other boyfriends I know. The ones that would love to post up pictures of them with their girlfriends because they're so proud of them. Or they just want others to know how in love they are. Kinda ew, thinking about it.

Or how they like to take pictures of/with their girlfriends cos they're so beautiful in their eyes. Or how they walk hand in hand. Or how they miss them just as soon as they leave the room. And how they have icky mushy messages for each other in their MSN nicknames. I know it's all so high school.

But I just want to be his number one, for once.

I want him to fall for me. I want him to think I'm beautiful. I want him to feel like there's only the two of us in a crowded room when he looks at me. I want him to send me a song because he loves it so much he simply wanted to share so that I could love it too. I want him to want me to be with him to do stuff together.. whether it is to read a book.. or to watch a movie.. or just to wash the dishes.

I, the hopeless romantic, wants to be his number one.

the truth is

I just finished watching Just Like Heaven. Streaming online too!

Fantastic stuff. I barely have to wait for the videos to load to watch them. Which must mean that the loading time should be super fast for you other people out there. My router is a bit messed. *shrugs* So my internet speed is running slower than it should be.

Anyways, I felt really sad watching the movie. Cos it got me wondering.. what if I was in a coma.. how would people react to it? Would they feel sad? Would they still have hope that I will one day wake up? Or will they pull the plug on me? Yeah, rather morbid stuff.

Then I thought instead.. What if Mark got into a coma? And for a very long time. I thought about it.. and I figured I will be very sad, heartbroken, and scared. I know those are the obvious reactions to the situation where a loved one gets into a coma, but.. lately it's been hard to tell if I love him.

I know.. scary. And for awhile, I was scared. Just last weekend, I admitted to him that I haven't felt for him the way I should being his girlfriend. I don't know whether I should've said it out loud, and especially to him.. but who else can you be truly honest to, if it's not your loved ones.

But thinking about him being in a coma... and knowing that I would be so broken by it.. I'm sure that I love him. He is a bit hard to love though. He's not like the normal guy.. who would give up everything for his girlfriend. He's not the kinda guy that knows how to be romantic. He's not one to buy flowers for no reason except to see her smile. He's not one to shout it from the rooftops that he's crazy for her.

And as for me, I'm so... I would love for my boyfriend to be fun, adventurous, taking risks, and to not be ashamed of me and for what we have. Hopeless romantic. Yeah, I told you so.

It's been awhile that I've written anything like this. But I can make an exception. It's midnight.. so when else is it more appropriate for someone to get all emo?

Two weeks ago.. we almost broke up. Heh. Felt something there just having to admit that it happened. But yeah.. it did. We were both going through shits.. we weren't at our best. He decided that we should probably go on a "break". An all too familiar road..

I broke. I mean.. I really broke. I cried, I sobbed. I did not care who heard me. I was so scared. I hated what happened during my last two so-called "breaks" with previous ex-boyfriends. They were cowards who didn't know how else to break up with me. So they said we'll just have a "break" from one another. But after awhile, I would find out that they've been seeing someone else behind my back or that they've already moved on.

I didn't want that to happen again.. I couldn't believe it was happening again.. I took it badly. I took it like I had no shame. I took it not as a "break" but as a "breakup". Mark understood why I was overreacting.. but he stood by me the whole time.. I have no idea how long I cried.. and I have no words to describe how broken my heart felt that night.

We did not go on a break that night nor did we break up. He held me for hours that night. I know he's not like the others.

He may not be easy to love at times. But I do love him.

it was a good day

Currently giving a listen to the latest Dixie Chicks album. =) So far so good.

I haven't been updating this blog. In fact, I haven't much been able to come here and actually sit and type. But I'm gonna try just because I want to. I want to procrastinate. Yes, I have a tutorial tomorrow which I haven't yet completed. Or am yet to start. Also a template to come up with for my EWB project.. and an Electrical Systems assignment that I have due Thursday.

I had such a good time yesterday. I had class from 10am all the way till 7pm but I didn't mind because Mark was with me on campus all day yesterday. I wish I could've met him earlier.. or maybe been with him longer...? I don't know. I just wish I've managed to experience that whole... boyfriend girlfriend going to the same campus thing. Haha.

Yesterday, I brought Mark to one of my lectures. Simply because I wanted him to check out this new unit that has been added to the course. I think he enjoyed the lecture. It's so funny though to see him bonding with my other coursemates. I'm sure they all wondered who he was although I think now they should stop teasing one of my other coursemates about always hanging out with me now.

Oh yeah, he was around on Monday because it was a public holiday back in Brunei so he had a day off and decided to stay a day longer in Miri. =) Then he decided to go to campus because he wanted to find out if he was still popular. Turns out that he is. Lol! Kidding kidding. I have no idea why he decided to spend the day in campus. I hope that it was to spend more time with me.

Anyways, I went out for lunch to KSL. Drove there from campus and met up with Mark and Lawrence. Mark ordered some seafood omelet thing. I ordered some "special" fried kuay tiaw. Lawrence had the chicken gordon bleu. Mark's order came first. Unfortunately for him because I was starving and could help but steal some if not most of his food. Muahaha. I know no one wants to date me anymore after reading that sentence.

But I did share my food with him afterwards! Although I think I ate most of my own food as well.. Hmmmm. I'm such a pig!

Later I drove back to campus (by myself) cos Mark had his own car. We both had trouble finding parking spaces. So bloody full! But I managed to finally find one. Although it was at the very end of the parking lot.... and my classes are all on the OTHER end of the parking lot.

Eh, you know. There was this one RED SAVVY whose owner is a total fucktard. He very obviously parked his car across TWO spaces. His/her car was almost totally horizontal opposed to how we more civilized people park our cars. After that, I started having daydreams of throwing a matching red brick at it's bloody windshield. But I couldn't do that of course. The main thing stopping me from doing it was yeah, I didn't have a spare red brick with me.

This morning whilst driving to school, I felt like maybe running my own, "drive safely" campaign. Because as I was driving to school earlier this morning, I got stuck behind this lousy woman driver. You pssssh, you lousy girls. You all know you suck at driving. Just admit it. Guys aren't being sexist towards you. It's just very very true that you people just c a n ' t s e e m t o g r a s p t h e c o n c e p t o f d r i v i n g!

Even though its so fucking simple! One of my pet peeves are women drivers. Honestly. Everytime a guy goes, "Argh. Women drivers! Oh.. opps... sorry.." cos they realize I'm there with them. I'll go, "Yeah! Lousy women drivers!! They drive like shit, don't they??"

Anyways, for my campaign, I want to make banners or something.. put them up along the roads with motivational words like:

"Miri drivers are so fucked up!"

"Hey fuckstick. Up yours."

"How about a scratch on your car?"

"How about a brick through your window?

"Shucks. You all paid to get through driving school, didn't you."

Or other similar sayings.

Hahaha. After I got home from campus yesterday I was almost totally wiped out! I had my dinner.. I went online for a while.. before showering.. continued online.. and fell asleep! I don't know how long I managed to pass out while chatting to others. Hahaha. But as soon as I got up, I said goodbyes cos I kept falling asleep. Very funny leh. I've never been so sleepy in a long time before that I actually managed to fall asleep like that. Actually, I fell asleep during my math lecture as well yesterday! Fuyoh!

I honestly have not fallen asleep like that in ages. It might be because
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101101
Opps. It all came out as binary? What's up with that? Hmmmmmm.

don't laugh please, smile and sigh instead

I was going through my old blog, Guilty Secrets, trying to figure out what it was that people liked about it. And I have no idea. All my posts were a mess. All I found out was that I had a lot more going on back then than I do now. Which just goes to show, how sad my life got. :P But I do know this, eventhough my I had more going on back then, I'm defnitely happier and more stable where I am now.

Last night Mark and I got into a fight that stemmed from a misunderstanding that happened 2 afternoons ago. Just so that you guys know that we're both human too. :P

All I know is that for the first time, I felt really hurt by him. I think it's the first time I yelled at him. I think it's the first time we both said hurtful things about each other.

It's the first time that he made me cry so very badly. I honestly felt like I lost him. That although we were still together, that he had broken up with me because I didn't feel like I could rely on him anymore. I felt like he's not the person I thought he was. That he doesn't care.. I still loved him though, at that moment. But in my mind, I tried to tell myself that it's alright if I behave like nothing mattered, like I don't have any feelings so that he can hurt me all he wants to.

That I don't need him to feel better. That I can feel better all by myself whenever I'm upset. That I didn't have to tell him anything anymore because he more than likely would not be able to understand or remember anyway. That even if I told him, he would ignore what I said so that he just wouldn't have to deal with it.

But we managed to eventually talk it out. It was very bittersweet..

He said that ever since I got mad at him and left him alone without a word, without any smses, without any emails, without any chats, without any calls.. that in that time he realised that he does love me and that he does care.

I was crying badly when he said that he thought of me and missed me.. and he said he remembered how we were together.. how I would hug him.. how he would give me piggybacks.. how I smiled.. then he told me he loves me.. then he said that he remembered how we would cuddle.. and all these little things.. and he told me that he loved me again.. then he said that while he was walking past a shop window.. he saw the masks that we both got.. and how the idea of leaving me angry till the weekend and then suprising me with presents crossed his mind.. but how he decided against it because I might break up with him and leave him sad and lonely with presents to give to no one.

I need to remember that moment.. it's rare to see or hear my boyfriend behaving that way..

Yeah.. I don't ever want to lose that memory. =)

I thought I didn't need to be coddled... talk about me dreaming. Pfft. :P

i do this sometimes

The other night, Mark was so tired and sleepy so I let him sleep in my room for a bit before letting him drive home. We initially planned to watch a DVD together but decided to leave it for another day.

He was tired cos of the workout we got from going to the driving range earlier that day.

I wasn't sleepy.. but decided to accompany him.

When I wriggled out of his arms, he would mumble, "Where did you go..." and then hug me again. So cute. Although I wasn't sleepy nor tired, I eventually fell asleep.

This was kinda embarrassing but sometime whilst I was sleeping and dreaming away, I think I started whimpering and crying in my sleep and maybe kicking about as well.

Mark got up and asked in a bit of a panic, "What's wrong??"

To which I mumbled a reply, "Oh nothing.. just.. bad reality..." and dozed back off into dreamland.

Haha. So malu. I talk in my sleep. Hahahahaha.

The next day when Mark came over again, I had to ask him what happened cos I think something happened but I couldn't remember.

Hehe. So malu.

Bad reality.. Mark kept laughing about it cos what was that supposed to mean. Haih. But I guess it's cos I've been having a rough couple of days. Nothing to worry about. Just stuff that makes me upset/stress/sad/hurt/panic.

Still funny though.

Although it can't beat what I said once in my sleep a long time ago.

Which was, "No Rudolph! Don't eat the strawberry flavoured cookiessss...."

I think I was saving Rudolph. I didn't really like strawberry flavour at the time and so I associated it with poison. Teehee.

walking along the shores of miri

Last Saturday, Mark and I went to take a walk by the beach. When we got there, it was crowded with people who were there to either participate in a jogathon or just to spectate and enjoy the booze coming later.

We walked together along the shore, hand in hand, with many runners going past. Once, we saw a guy dressed as a pirate running along complete with eyepatch, striped pants and striped shirt, a bandanna, and a sword. That was so cute.

We saw little kids also running. I envied their stamina. I'm sure the adults they were passing during the race did too.

As we walked and talked, a rainbow flew over our heads. We waved at the rainbow which waved back. Hehe. It was a guy who was parasailing with his rainbow coloured sails. He flew over us several times and waved each time. So did his friend who had a red sail.

I think I would love to try that one day. Flying up high in the sky. Woo. Scary. But fun.

We turned around once we thought we had gone far enough.

On the walk back, I decided to go barefooted and convinced Mark to do the same. =) I'm a hippie.

We went back, still holding hands, talking about such random things such as what would happen if the runners had their iPods with them and were listening to Crazy Frog on loop throughout the entire race. :P Or even better, what if we slipped on them an iPod and made them listen to Crazy Frog and somehow they never notice it on.

Hehehe.. they'll probably start running like mad. Hey, we're helping them win the race, 'aite.

There were a couple of young adults sitting in the mud, building their little own mud castles as we walked past them. They looked like they were into their mid-20s. Am amazed watching them play like that. And on their own too. They weren't talking to each other or helping one another build.

That was weird.

Not to mention that they looked at Mark and I funny too. Hmph.

For some reason, the walk back felt shorter..

syiok shock

Did I tell you? Obviously I didn't.

Yesterday was a public holiday in Brunei. Something about the anniversary of the Quran, if I'm not mistaken.

Anyways, Mark planned to come back down to Miri on that day since it would be his birthday too.

Not to mention that he wanted to bring his Japanese friend around Curtin campus since his friend was interested in maybe undergoing a course to get another degree. Maybe.

So, he went back to Brunei on Sunday, and worked on Monday.

It wasn't confirmed whether or not he would be coming back to Miri on Tuesday.

So, that Monday afternoon, I messaged Mark asking if he would be coming back.

He replied saying that he's sorry that he could not.

I, of course, was disappointed but I expected him to stay back in Brunei anyway cos his parents told him not to come back to Miri, since it was only a one-day holiday, it's just gonna be a bit of a rush.

I replied his message, asking him what he had planned on doing the next day instead since he wouldn't be able to come back down to Miri.

I was upstairs in my room at the time. Just sitting down on my bed replying his message. I had just sent my message when someone rang the doorbell.

I was not expecting anyone so I did not bother getting up from my bed. Someone else is gonna get it. That person just wouldn't be me.

Then I heard my dad calling from the foot of the stairs, "Kim!"

I got up from bed with an urgh, what now and started trudging down the stairs.

Guess what I found at the foot of my stairs?

Evil stupid Mark.

I couldn't contain my suprise though and exclaimed, "Oh my... what the hell are you doing here??!"

"Suprise," was all he said.

Sometimes.. I think my boyfriend may not be as clueless as I think he is.

today marks the day

Today is my sweet angel's birthday. Haha. And I think that's the first time I've ever called him my sweet angel. He's 23 now, still a big baby but I still love him so.

Happy birthday, baby..

It's amazing being with someone this long..
Sure, call me sakai la..
I don't mind. I know I am.

I never said anything about this but when we first agreed to only last a month, I felt sad but I decided not to be because if a month is all I'm gonna get, I'm gonna make the best of that one month. But towards the end of it, you said, "Maybe we'll let this go on a bit longer..." and that made me so happy.

It's silly to fall for someone because it makes a person ditzy, shy, blush, giggle, as well as walk on air. Not to mention that it's embarrassing for someone who doesn't even fall for guys so easily.. to have been easily reduced to that.

Am I talking about me though? Hehe. Who knows.

It's embarrassing to still feel that way sometimes.. but.. *blush* ... it feels good.

It's hard to say what that feeling is.. but here are a couple of songs that for me managed to encapsulate that feeling..

Sade - By Your Side

When you're on the outside
Baby, and you can't get in
I would show you
You're so much better than you know
When you're lost, you're alone
Can't get back again
I will find you
Darlin' and I'll bring you home


Team Sleep - Ever (Foreign Flag)

You make that dance look so new
And I'm in awe
A face like you've never seen
I'm yours tonight


Hawthorne Heights - Decembers

You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when your in love


Jack Johnson - Better Together

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

Happy anniversary too, silly..

... *blush*

curtin carnival and two boys birthdays

Since I feel very much like slacking tonight.. I guess I would blog about my weekend.

I woke up late on Saturday. At about 10am. Okay, so it's not that late by teen standards but I felt like it was late since lately I've been having to wake up at 8am for classes.. actually.. 7am to get ready for classes but I've been running late this whole entire week. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep waking up later than planned and being so very deaf to my morning alarms. Sleeping right through them and all.

Ah, anyways, I was practically like a blob that didn't get enough sleep when I woke up although I think I did. So I slittered around the place before taking my shower at 12pm. Hee.

Mom brought my siblings and I out for lunch since I didn't have any breakfast. We all went to Grand Palace Hotel for some dimsum which we didn't get to finish because halfway through the meal, my little sister threw up. Yups. She has been sick the whole week. Poor thing. Lucky thing though. I managed to fill myself up before we had to leave.

Sent my two siblings home then went out again to get the cars washed. My mom and I anyway. Urgh. It took them so long to finish washing the cars. I felt like I was gonna lose my mind. My head started spinning because I couldn't take sitting there any longer. Yes, I'm someone who fidgets around a lot because I don't like staying in one place for long periods of time.

Although the hours I spend in front of the computer says otherwise. Ha!

Anyways, I was supposed to pick up my brother and my cousin after I got the car washed at 3pm. I went to get the cars washed at 2pm. But they only finished washing the cars at 3.40pm.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

So, rushed to pick the both of them up and rushed right to Curtin. From the carpark, I could hear a song that my friend, Derek's, band was playing. And I promised him that I would be there to record his performance so that he could send the videos to his girlfriend. He would be playing the bass. Mweh. First time ever seeing him perform in public.

Anyways, good thing was that they only just started. It wasn't a very bad performance, btw. Pretty good too actually if compared to other bands that have played in the past for the carnival.

My good friend, Derek, whom we always make fun of for looking like a chinese pop star. Muahaha.

And you know what he said? "Wah! Kim! You're wearing a skirt lah. Come come. Must take picture this!" and then he turns to a friend standing beside me, "Eh, you know ah.. this girl.. very rarely wears skirt! Help help take picture for me." :D "Hehehe."

There was another performance after that by the Otaku Club president which got me going: ~_~

Man. That girl is delusional. The Otaku Club is a new club in Curtin of which consists of members that are crazy about manga, anime, cosplay and the like.

Aaron first told me about her when he said that she came over during orientation week to introduce the club to the new students. During her presentation, she put on a false anime voice which Aaron said, scared him. I don't blame him. And then he said that at one point during her presentation, the person who was helping with the slides forgot his cue and didn't change it.

So at that moment, she turned around, and said in her normal voice in a garang way for him to change the slide. And then when she turned about around, she became all animated again. Whoa. How fake is that? :D

No offense to other Otaku Club members. I showed Mark later that night the video I took of her performance and all, he told me that he knows that girl cos she was new the time he was a SOAR Advisor and said that she doesn't really think much before she speaks or acts which is I guess the reason for her being deluded. :D

I'm SO mean. *punches air* But at least I didn't put up a picture, mmmkay?

Didn't stay long because I had a dinner to attend later that night. What's the occasion you ask? The celebration of two birthday boys. One of them being Mark. The other being my dad.

Yes, shocked? Hahahaha. Their birthdays are only a day apart too.

Gah. The coincidence. My mom decided to arrange a special dinner for the both of them. People present were, my family, cousin Greg's family, and Mark.

Things said over dinner:

Cousin Greg: Why is a suckling pig called a suckling pig ah?
Dad: Because the pig is young and is taken away as it is still at its suckling stage.
Cousin Greg: Oh. Then why is pecking duck called pecking duck leh? Its taken away when its at its pecking stage? Heh heh heh..

Mark: Eh, what if it's called pecking pig and suckling duck?
Kim: ??? Can pigs peck and ducks suck?? *duh*

Mark: How do you tell the difference between a female and male catfish?
Cousin Greg: The females don't have misai!
Everyone: -_-"

Suckling pig.


Pekking duck.

When the food came out, everyone whipped out their camera phones and started taking pictures.

Oh gawd. Sakai lalu. :D

Anyways, this is Mark and I later that night.

He doesn't like being kissed.


I don't like being kissed and poked.


Aren't we tres adowable? Hee.